Chapter 1

Startin Hard

As a mental health professional Anthony shouldn't have been sitting in this room.  After all, in order to help others with their psychological problems he thought he had to be all together. Anthony knew that when he was studying ‘Procedures and Methods of Psychological Testing’ in college that he didn't quite understand the results of the tests he had taken.  He now felt that he understood why the M.M.P.I. had tested him out to be schizophrenic in several aspects of his personality.

Anthony stood at 5’ 11” tall, had dark, long hair in a short pony tail and weighed around 210 pounds.  While in college he had spoken to his professor and friend, Joe Linn a Chinese American who was in his late 20’s.  Anthony and Joe had spoken about his test scores and he seemed to have a good, healthy, grasp on controlling his temper.  Yet to be honest, Anthony really didn't understand what schizophrenia was or, even more, understand and/or accept himself and his behaviors. 

Anthony and Joe would spend the next year and a half talking, spending time together, and appreciating each other's company.  They were just friends. Anthony didn't use Joe as a therapist or anything like that even though Joe was qualified to perform this service.  It was through their involvement in church, basketball, Intercollegiate Peace Fellowship, and other related activities at Tabor College in Hillsboro Kansas that their friendship had developed. 

Joe had nominated Anthony as one of North America's Most Outstanding Christian Students through the Extraordinary Christian Students of America organization during Anthony’s senior year in college.  Anthony had done well while in college despite his psychological test scores.  He had no reason to think that he needed any kind of therapy or counseling, so while in college and up to this point in his life he had not sought it. 

While this was all about 9 years in his past and was actually the farthest thing from his mind.  Anthony had spoken on occasion to his pastor and coworker worker, Bill Lewis, about the possible need to receive counseling and to learn to accept himself and his past.  Anthony didn't really take this as an option seriously though.  Then, one night, he decided to rent a movie and watch it with his wife and kids.  While walking through the video store Anthony picked out a family movie that the family could watch.  Anthony was also looking at the new releases and happened to see the movie, "Prince of Tides" with Barbara Streisand and Nick Nolte.  He was hesitant about renting that video because he didn't especially like Barbara Streisand.  He didn't know just exactly what it was about her that he didn't like, but it had always been a strong feeling of his that she was not one of his favorites despite the fact that she had been in several movies that he had liked. 

"The Prince of Tides", appealed to Anthony because it was written by one of his favorite authors, Pat Conroy; had one of his favorite actors; Nick Nolte; and was filmed in a state where he had just lived, South Carolina.  So Anthony decided to over look his dislike of Barbara Streisand and rent the video for his wife and himself to watch. 

Anthony was hesitant to watch the movie, so he kept putting it off during the five day rental period..  He did know  that the movie took second place to the Atlanta Braves baseball games being televised on network television.  After all, Atlanta was in the middle of a pennant race with the Pittsburgh Pirates and couldn't have won the National League West without his support. 

It was an off night for the Braves, so Anthony decided to watch the movie ‘Prince of Tides.’  It is not often that he would watch a video and not get up for breaks, yet, here he was, glued to the ol' TV.

 Anthony recalled being drawn into the story and feeling for and relating to the Nick Nolte character.  Anthony could understand the character's feelings of confusion and hurt that had come about due to the abuse he had experienced as a child.  In many ways Anthony had experienced the same types of abuse when he was a child, and the movie brought those memories of abuse back home and began to force him to reflect on himself and the pains and confusion he had continued to feel through his adult life.  In his own way Anthony understood what Nolte's character had been through and how he was feeling.  He remembered crying during certain scenes because they were all too real for him and had reminded him of a past that he would have just as soon have forgotten. 

It was through understanding and knowing why he related to this character that Anthony finally decided to try to see a counselor on his own.  He realized through the visual example of the movie what good could come about in his own life and the nightmares and memories that could be helped and explained. 

The week after seeing the movie, Anthony spoke with his pastor, Bill Lewis, about possible counselors for him to see.  Bill, a short, blonde haired man in his 30’s was a coworker with Anthony at Trend Mental Health Center in Hendersonville, North Carolina and he was also the pastor of a small Calvary Chapel Church that Anthony and his family attended. Anthony knew, after a while, that he wanted to see a Christian counselor because of his own beliefs and  how those beliefs affected his day to day life.  Bill had recommended a small counseling service that had helped several of his friends in the past.

Anthony called to set up an initial appointment and was extremely impressed with the interest Christ Life Counseling had taken in him.  It was obvious to him that their main interest was not in charging a large fee in order to make money.  Instead, they were very open about being willing to apply a sliding scale fee, even saying that money was the least of their concerns Anthony guessed this was the reason he was now sitting there in their waiting room.  He remembered pulling up to the two story white house and walking from his car through the front door.  His appointment was for 4:30, and traffic was pretty heavy on that particular day.  Would anyone who knew him see him going in?  If someone did see him going in, what would they think?

The building sat near a Catholic church, so he had always assumed that it was a mission of the Catholic church.  Later he learned that the house was operated by Naples Baptist Church and not the Catholic church next to it.  Outside the house was a large white sign that said, "Manna House / An Evangelical Ministry."  Upon entering the house he found a small receptionist's area, but no one was sitting there.  

Anthony decided to go into the large room to the right and have a seat.  He sat first on a couch that was in a large sitting room.  He soon realized, however, that the couch was blind to the entrance / exit way and he decided to move in order to be seen when someone came back in from outside or down the stairs.  So, Anthony moved to a large white wicker chair where he would easily be seen by someone entering and or leaving. 

Anthony was reading an opinion response of political candidates when someone came down the stairs and exited.  He was looking at viewpoints of Bill Clinton and George Bush when he heard footsteps coming down the stairs.  He saw a man, somewhere in his early forties, dark hair, around 6’ tall, and in pretty good physical shape.  He was dressed nicely, wearing dress slacks, a dress shirt and tie and a large smile.  The clothing was typical, a white shirt, probably an Arrow, and dark plain slacks.  The tie was a standard blue paisley.  It was the unusual, warm and friendly smile that was different though.  It wasn't fake but an honest, sincere, friendly smile. 

"Hello.  Are you Tony Beechup?" the man asked, "Yes Sir."  was Tony's reply, "Well my name is George Wilson. Why don't you come on up and we can get started." 

Anthony followed George up the stairs not knowing how to feel or what to expect.  He wasn't worried or afraid though because it was evident that this was a person who was warm, cared, and gave the impression that he would be easy to talk to.  So it was that Anthony began one of the most important times of his life. 

Chapter 2

In The Beginning

It took five minutes at the most to work out all of the details between George and Anthony.  Anthony was going to see George for one hour each week and the cost was going to be $16 per visit.  This was far below the $90 per hour most agencies charged at the time.  It was also reassuring that, as George told him, he would only have to pay every two weeks.  George also told Anthony that if he ever had any problems paying, for any reason, that he need not worry.  They were there to see that people received help when they needed it.  After all, they received most of their financial support from Naples Baptist Church.  Naples  considered the Manna House a mission of the church and therefore tried to make it clear to all patrons that their concern was in helping others, not making money off of the center.  This concept was unusual, especially for a center that had accredited counselors and therapists within the organization. 

" Well Tony,  Where I would like to start is with the reason you have decided to come here. We could do that in a number of ways, but I believe, well how can I say this, for instance, in order to start understanding yourself, what we need to do is go back as far as we need to too understand your past.   We need to go back to the beginnings of where you may have felt stress and hardships beginning in your life."

 "Do these need to be areas I remember or areas where I am sure difficulties began?"   Anthony asked.

“If you are aware of problem areas or areas where there were immediate stresses, then we should start there.  Do you have an idea of where to start?"  George asked. 

Anthony felt comfortable talking to George. He really didn't know why, but he decided to open up anyway. Maybe it was the years of anguish and struggle he had gone through and he was now ready to do something about it.  So   Anthony responded, "I think so, but it's going to go a long ways back." 

"That is fine.  Start from where you need and we'll go on from there."   George answered with reassurance. 

It was then that Anthony began to talk in detail for the first time in his thirty three years of life about the circumstances of his life.  He would start sharing aspects that had held him, his marriage, and family captive for that period of time.  It was also here, through the discussions that would take place that Anthony would begin to experience the true joys of freedom as well as the true joys of his salvation. 

Anthony had realized that the sins of his father and prior generations had followed him throughout his life thus far.  He didn't really understand many of these old time Biblical concepts, yet he did know that the abuse, confusion, temperament, and hurt had been in many of his relatives for numerous generations.  In the words of the late president of the United States, Harry Truman, Anthony had decided that the buck was going to stop with him.  Anthony would decide that, if at all possible, his children would never know the horrors he had experienced while growing up, and he certainly wasn't going to be the one to transfer over those nightmares to his children.  As a matter of fact, he would do everything possible to ensure that the horrors of his past would never occur with his children if there was anything he could do about it.  His children would begin to come by the true and loving parents that God intends for all of His creation. 

Anthony knew that in many ways, he was going to be honest for the first time.  He didn't need to lie to impress George.  He needed to be honest and learn to accept himself for who he was, despite what he had been in his past.  Anthony then started way back to his earliest memories with his story for George.

Problems began extremely early for Anthony, even before he was born.  Wanda Martin, his mother was a very small woman with medium length black curly hair.  Wanda was dark skinned due in part to being the granddaughter of a full blooded Cherokee Indian.

  Wanda was married to Charles Wilson Beechup, Anthony’s father.  Charles was also the grandson of a full blooded Cherokee and was dark skinned.  Charles had almost black hair combed back in a duck tail style with hair oil on it.  Charles was also a small man, around 5’ 11” and weighed around 170 pounds.   

Anthony had never known for sure exactly why it was that his mother would quit high school in her junior year.  He had often thought it was for the need to get married due to being pregnant.  She had grown up in a large family and had had a number of difficulties in her own life. 

Charles had been married before but after a difficult divorce and the birth of a daughter, he had had about as much as he could take.  Charles had grown up in a large family and also come from a rough background.  He was the oldest of seven children but did have an older half brother.  Charles had been in trouble numerous times for fights, on one occasion for killing a man in a fight that had been determined by the courts to be self defense.  Charles had learned to settle down, especially with his temper from his service in the Air Force, but his quick temper would still get him into trouble on occasion.

In many respects Wanda and Charles were two people who seemed to be looking for an escape from their past.  After Wanda got pregnant she knew that there wasn't much choice for her future but to get married.  In the late 1950's abortion wasn't an acceptable option, and there was still public resistance against unwed mothers.  There was also difficulties in accepting  fathers who did not take care of either the women they got pregnant or the child they were responsible for.  This was a concept which encouraged marriage but some times for inappropriate reasons.  Then again with Charles coming from a strong religious family, he knew he had a commitment to fulfill his responsibilities to his child and the child’s mother.

 Anthony was born June 9th, 1959 in Kingsport, Tennessee.  In many ways this is where the stress and difficulties would begin for him.  Anthony believed that even the smallest of children, even children still in their mother's womb are aware of difficulties and pressures in the world around them. 

It was almost as if Charles and Wanda were fighting a losing battle.  They were trying to build a marriage using the wrong materials.  They had some understanding of how to build a marriage even though they did not have many of the helps, seminars and assistance that many of today's couples have.  They had even been going to church where Wanda worked on occasion as a church secretary.  Yet the honesty of their faith and a relationship with God had never been a reality.  For them trying to build a marriage and family was like a carpenter trying to build a house yet only having been trained in how to use a ruler.  With no concept of unconditional love, it was next to impossible for Wanda and Charles to build on their marriage using the bonds of love or the concept of how marriage was to work. They made it through about a year of struggling with each other and trying to keep their marriage together before things begin to fall apart. 

Today Wanda still won't talk about the early days of her marriage and relationship with Charles.  Charles wasn't around much after the birth of Anthony.  He would either travel to find metal lathe construction jobs or would just stay away to keep from arguing and fighting with Wanda.  This left Wanda on her own to fend for herself and her new baby boy, Anthony.  This was difficult, and it was at this time that she began to rely on her in-laws, Oscar and Velma Beechup, to help in raising Anthony.  Wanda would work at textile mills, factories, or wherever she could find a job.  She would do this in order to help make ends meet in order to take care of Anthony.  It was hard for women to find appropriate paying jobs, especially high school drop outs, 17 years old.  But Wanda would do the best she could.  She would also use this situation in her life to develop a long and lasting relationship with Charles's parents, brothers, and sisters.

Anthony was by now about a year old, and Wanda was pregnant again.  Charles had had enough and had decided to divorce Wanda.  They were now separated, and he was working in Washington DC doing metal lathe work.  She was seven months pregnant and had been separated from Charles for some 5 months.  She was still carrying on a good relationship with her in laws, Velma and Oscar who had been there to offer support and help her out in various ways.  She would rely on them often times to keep Anthony while she was at work and had also lived with them off and on. 

It was over a period of time during the pregnancy that Velma and Oscar would talk with Charles and try to get him to come home to Wanda and work things out in their marriage.  Wanda and Charles would also speak to each other on the telephone on occasion as well as write back and forth.  It was after all of this had happened that Velma and Oscar, would finally get through to him and convince him to come home and work things out. 

It was after much soul searching that Charles would decide to come home and get back together with Wanda. It was in May of 1960 that Charles finally made the decision to try to give the marriage another shot.  He packed up his car with gifts for Wanda, Anthony, and his new child which would be arriving soon.  He would leave Washington late after work and would make the effort to drive straight through.  Charles didn't think the drive would be too much trouble.  It was, after all, only a nine hour drive through the back roads of Virginia.

Wanda, Velma and Oscar knew that something was wrong when Charles had not arrived by 2:00 a.m. that night.  They were worried and had a difficult time going to sleep.  Wanda decided to spend the night with Velma and Oscar and wait to meet Charles when he got home.  After all, Charles had not spent much time with his son, and Wanda felt as if he would be glad to see him.  Velma, Oscar and Wanda finally decided to go to bed shortly after 2:00.  They had anticipated Charles's arrival so much through the day that it took them about 45 minutes to get to sleep. 

It was about 3:00 in the morning when Velma was awakened by someone knocking at the door.  Wanda naturally awoke as well, after just falling asleep, thinking that Charles had gotten home.  To the surprise of both women they were greeted at the door by a policeman who had a solemn look on his face.  He then spoke calmly and in a caring voice to the two women, but addressing Velma.  "Mrs. Beechup,  I am sorry to notify you that a Charles Wilson Beechup was killed instantly a few hours ago outside of Richmond, Virginia.  We believe that he fell asleep at the wheel, crossed over into the lane of on-coming traffic and had a head on collision with a tractor trailer truck.  We again believe that he was asleep at the time of the collision and that he died instantly."  

Anthony then realized that he was speaking to George again in his office.  "I have seen the pictures of the funeral many times.  For some reason I never felt any emotion from looking at those pictures.  I guess some of that is never having known my father, and some of it is from him not looking anything like the few pictures I have of him that exist.  I've heard a lot of my family say that the casket should never have been opened because it didn't look anything like my dad.  You see, he was thrown through the windshield headfirst into the semi-truck, so I can see how it didn't look anything like him."   

"Have you ever regretted not knowing your father, Anthony?"   George asked.

"Yea a lot of times,"  he replied in a monotone and uncaring voice.  "I've often thought about how things would have been different.  Would he and my mom have stayed together?  Would Father's Day mean anything?  I don't even know what I would have called him, Dad, Pops, Daddy or what.  Can you imagine that?  Never knowing what it was like to have a dad or even what you would call him?  I've just always felt that things would have been a lot better than they have been.  I guess I've always blamed my father's death for all of the tough things that has happened in my life.”

“Most people seem to overlook what it is like to have a dad.” Mike continued, “I've always resented that.  What has really been bad though is that I have some of the minor details about my Dad, and that is it.  I've tried many times to get people to tell me about him in detail so I would know something about my roots, about what might have been.  Yet my own family has not even been willing to help in this area.  They don't understand that it makes me feel less important.  Almost like I was just an accident any way."   Anthony began finally to tear up and let the emotion of what he was saying get to him.   Having a father or mother is something that many people often take for granted.  Anthony was in a situation where he would never know the experience. What he would know, in many ways, would be confusing and disturbing, especially in an environment where he was growing up with no father. 

Anthony would often times have people respond to him, "Yea, I lost my dad too when I was young."  This was a reply with good intentions but would always make Anthony somewhat angry.  They, after all, knew what it was like to have a dad, to have some knowledge of him.  Anthony was in a situation where he would never know.

George then began to respond to Anthony and his hurts and anger.  He tried to be reassuring that what Anthony had had to go through was not O.K..  No child should be put into the situations that Anthony had had to go through.  George tried to reassure Anthony and let him know that he was there to listen and help in any way that he could. 

George talked to Anthony for about 15 minutes trying to provide the reassurance and caring that Anthony needed at that moment.  After doing this for a period of time George realized that they had gone overtime.  It was obvious to Anthony though that the issue of time wasn't George's main concern.  The fact that there were other people for George to see later in the day was.  George reassured Anthony of this and he made the effort to change the times of the future meetings to the last appointment of the day so that when need be, it would be O.K. to run overtime.  Again, it would have been easy for Anthony to feel that he was being taken advantage of, but it was obvious to him that George really cared. 

George would close the meeting, looking at several implications and areas that he would want Anthony to study.  "Well, Anthony, what I want you to do this week is to read these passages of Scripture.  What they talk about is how God intended the family to be, as well as how valuable you are as an individual." 

Anthony took the passages and would spend the next week looking over them.  He saw God's Word as he had never seen it before.  Anthony could tell already that he had made the right decision in going to Manna House for help.  It was going to be worth it: help was on the way. George then handed Anthony a list that he had made out as they were talking.  These were the passages in the Bible that George wanted Anthony to read:  John 1:12 , 1 Peter 1:23, Ephesians 1:7, Romans 8:1, Colossians 3:4, Romans 3:22, 2 Corinthians 5:21, Romans 8:31, Romans 8:17, 1 Corinthians 3:16, Colossians 1:13, Philippians 3:20, Ephesians 2:6, Romans 6:14, John 16:24, Hebrews 4:16, 2 Corinthians 5:8, and Philippians 1:21

CHAPTER 3

William Smith?

The week had gone by quickly for Anthony, and he now found himself back at Manna House for his next appointment with George. He begin speaking to George in a relaxed tone of conversation.   "I don't know exactly how long it was after my father was killed that my mother met William Smith.  He was her second husband, and she was married to him probably around a year and a half after my dad was killed.  I've often wondered about him and have asked my mom numerous times about my dad as well as William.  She has told me little about my father and has never been willing to say anything about William.  She has never been willing to share anything about his personality, his looks, how they met, not anything.  Whenever we would ask questions she would obviously get somewhat upset and not answer them.  It was obvious though from her actions and response that she seemed to care about him.  Then again, I don't know because of her unwillingness to talk about him.  Then again she was never willing to talk about my father either.“

Then George asked, "How old were you, Anthony, when your mother and William married and do you have any memories of him at all? " 

"Well, let's see, I must have been around three, and my sister must have been around 2.  I think it was William, but I have never been quite sure.  I do have a pleasant memory of my mother being with a man who was really nice to both my sister and me.  I also remember that my mother was happy with this individual.  He was kind of tall, and if my memory is correct, he had blondish brown hair.  I've talked to my sister, and she seems to have the same types of memories about him." 

"How long was your mother with him?"  George asked. 

"Well I'm not really sure.  I recall her being with him for around a year or so, but it is really hard to say.  I do know that these are some of my earliest memories."    Anthony was answering George and seeming to be in somewhat of a good mood.  He didn't show much expression except an occasional smile.   This was more of a reflection of how he felt talking to George though than a sense of feeling good about the information he was sharing with him.

George then asked, "What ever happened to William Smith?" 

"I've never been sure as to the circumstances, but I know that he was killed.  I think that it was someplace near Chicago or even in Chicago.  I also know that a train was involved.  It seems like I heard stories that he was hoboing and catching trains when he fell and was run over by the train."  

George then turned the question around, "How did your mom respond to that and how did you respond?"  

"I'm sure my mom took it really hard; that has to be why she has never really talked about it.  She must have been hurt so bad that she just doesn't want to bring up the hurt again.  I don't know how she felt from the aspect of losing two husbands.  It had to be difficult knowing that she had the responsibility of raising me and my sister.  She still was around my grandparents a lot.  It seems like they have always been around." 

"But how did you and your sister feel?"  George asked again. 

"I don't know.  To be honest I have never known how to feel.  I do know that one of the only pleasant memories I have as a child involved who I think was William.  I don't really remember much about him though.  I guess I've never come to grips with that.  It's like my dad.  I don't know why people hold back information from me and my sister.  I can accept the fact that neither one of them may have been decent men.  I just have trouble handling and coping with the fact that I don't have any answers.  Here are two men that were, are, vital parts of my early life, two men who had a vital part in developing my personality, that is if it's true that most of one's personality is developed by the age of three, and I don't know squat about them.  These two men would have been the natural ones to play the part of a father in my early years as a child.  Even though William wasn't my real father, I was so young when my mother and he got together that I would never have known the difference.“

Anthony was beginning to get a little upset in discussing these things with George.  He was beginning to show aspects of anger, not at George but at the story he was telling.  He was realizing again, as he had many times before in his own mind, that he had been given the shaft by so many people in his family.  Even if Anthony's family's actions were not intended in a negative way, the unwillingness to share any information with him about his past was certainly taken that way. 

" How does that make you feel? "  George asked. 

"Well to be honest, it makes me feel as if I don't matter or at least didn't matter.  I mean, what am I, a toy for people to play with?  Why aren't my feelings important?  I never asked to be brought into this world.  It seems like if people were going to make that decision then they would at least have the courtesy to answer my questions.  Even if the answers to those questions were bad, that would be easier to deal with than not knowing anything about the two men in my early life, especially my father, my own flesh and blood where my genetics and very makeup came from.  To me it's like a kid who is adopted who wants answers about their past.  They want to know about their birth mother and father.  Well, they search and search for answers.  They just don't quit until they find the answers.  Well I've found and know the people with the answers to my early life about my father and what he was like, what he did, how he acted.  The problem though is that they will give me very few if any answers to those questions."

            *******

After William was killed the difficulties were only just beginning for Anthony and his sister.  It was soon after this period of time that Wanda began not only to lose hope as a mother and for her future, but she also began to believe that she was not capable of keeping and raising Anthony and his sister Madeline. 

It was shortly after the death of William that Wanda put Anthony and Madeline into a foster home.  No one had ever spoken to Anthony and Madeline about this and  it was almost 25 years later that another member of the family would tell them about this experience.  Anthony would have some vague memories of staying with someone to whom he was not related.  Anthony often times would just assume that these people were friends of his family.  After all, on occasion he would still see his mother as well as other relatives.  It was an experience, though that had to have some bearing on him.  After all he had a few vivid memories of times and events that took place before being placed in a foster home but very few during the time that he was actually in the foster home. 

Anthony never knew or understood why it was that he had blocked out many of the memories during this period of his life. It is not certain as to the amount of time Anthony and Madeline spent with this foster family.  It was certain how his grandparents, Velma and Oscar, his fathers parents, felt. 

The Beechup family had always been a tight, close knit family.  Not every aspect of the family was good.  As a matter of fact both Anthony and Madeline would later find out that there was a lot to be desired.  Yet, they were always close and seemed to want to take care of each other.   

Oscar was the father in the family and therefore the obvious head of the family. while Oscar was a strong leader in the family, that was the way it was supposed to be in the early 1960's.  That was the case especially in a Southern or Missionary Baptist Church family. 

Oscar was a small man in stature he had dark wavy hair.  He was around five foot nine and weighed one hundred and forty-two pounds for most of his adult life.  Oscar had a deeply squared chin much like Burt Lancaster's and a temper that was liable to go off at any moment for almost any reason.  His temper could go off around his children, his wife, or especially when driving or being challenged by strangers in any way.  The temper had been existent in the Beechup family for generations.  Oscar was somewhat dark skinned and in good physical condition.

There was also a good side to Oscar that was easy to see from those who were either around him long enough or who would have been considered friends of the family.  Oscar was as much of a caring and giving  individual at times as anyone you would ever come into contact with.  In some ways he was fairly uneducated, he only completed the third grade, but, in others, he was as educated as any man you would ever meet.  Throughout his life Oscar continued to read and learn as much as he could, both in basic knowledge and Biblical knowledge.  Oscar had other knowledge however, he had as much of what people call common sense as any man you would ever meet.  He had learned an abundance of knowledge from working and living in the real world from an early age.  He quit school early in life to go help take care of his family by working as many odd jobs as he could.  Oscar did this despite his youth and small stature at the time.  This was not an unusual practice, though, for the time and place in which he grew up. 

Oscar grew up in Erwin, Tennessee, and Embreville, Tennessee, before moving to Johnson City.  He was also a religious man who went and took his family to church on a regular basis.  To go three or four times a week was something which was not unusual for the Beechup family.  He was in the Navy where at one time he was the Naval lightweight boxing champion.  The toughness it took to acquire this honor was something that was not lost, even in the times after leaving the Navy.  He always made the effort to stay in good physical shape, occasionally lifting weights throughout his life.

Oscar married early in life having two children but later divorced his first wife and met Velma Man, formerly Velma Tinson who also had also gone through a divorce. Velma had one child from her former marriage who lived with her.  Oscar had worked in construction and carpentry for most of his life.  He had acquired the reputation for being a skilled and hard worker at these trades and therefore seldom had difficulty finding work.  He always took pride in his work and tried to instill in those around him that they should also take pride in what they do.  He always felt it important that one leave their mark on this world.  One of the best ways to do that was through doing what they did to the best of their abilities.            

Velma was a large woman who also came from a large family.   Velma stood around 5’ 8” tall and weighed around 175 pounds.  She had shoulder length wavy hair and  while she was light skinned she had the physical features of her Cherokee ancestors. 

Velma had grown up in the coal mining towns of Virginia and had lost a brother in a mining accident when she was in her early teens.  In some ways she fit the traditional mold of being a submissive wife.  Yet she was a strong and prominent feature in the family.  In many ways, she was the glue that held the family together.  She was someone who Anthony could never remember anything negative about.  Of all the influences on Anthony she would be one of the most dramatic.  Even when times would get bad in the future and he would make excuses, he knew that he could look at his grandmother and see a positive role model and person.  She was also one of the truest Christians he would ever know. She on occasion did maids' work or even worked at folding clothes in a Laundromat if she had to in order to get extra money to help with the family finances.  Often times, due to Oscar's job and the need for him to travel, she took care of the children at home, alone for months at a time.  She would do whatever it took to keep the family together.  

Velma's eldest son from her first marriage was Bill or Jerry as all of the children called him.  He had spent some time in the military and now was married and had a family in Nashville, Tennessee, where he flew a helicopter for the Tennessee Valley Authority.  After Jerry was Charles,  Anthony's dad, who had been killed in a car wreck.  After Charles was Jarvis. 

Jarvis still lived with Velma and Oscar.  He had been in the army and while serving in Germany was thrown off a train.  From this incident he had suffered some brain damage as well as had lost most of his sight and was legally blind.  He would come in and out of the V.A. centers due to the violent episodes and extreme religious beliefs he would experience.  Jarvis experienced hallucinations and heard voices almost all of the time.  Many Schizophrenic characteristics were present along with the brain damage.  He was someone who would have to be cared for the rest of his life.  He was married with two children but had been separated from his wife since the incident had happened in Germany.  After Jarvis came Sarah. 

Sarah was married and lived in Washington DC  She looked the most like Velma, but Anthony was never around her that much at first.  She ran a successful beauty shop in DC and  had several step children from her husband's prior marriage.  Even though Anthony was not around Sarah much at first, he would come to know her better in the years to come. After Sarah was Leo. 

Leo was also married and had served in the military.  He lived in Washington State with his wife, Barbara.  In many ways, Anthony and Leo  had many of the same characteristics.  They were both large in their body frames and had a tendency to carry too much weight.  In the early years Leo had the same temper as many of the Beechup's.  It would and could explode at any time and on more than one occasion would get him in trouble with his family and others around him.

Next in line were the twins Frank and Mary.  Both still lived at home but not for long.  Frank joined the Army and served two or three terms in Vietnam as a helicopter gunner.  Anthony has always remembered the horror of that war in that before Frank went to serve he was a practical kidder who was much fun to be around.  He was easy to get along with and always seemed to have a smile.  After the war was over he served in the National Guard but always seemed to be sad and had difficulty getting along with others.  It would be many years later, after his second marriage, that he would begin showing joyous emotions again and begin to have a enjoy life.  Mary, on the other hand was still in school and had been dating quite a bit.  She was a very attractive girl who had no trouble finding dates.  She would on occasion get into trouble with her mom and dad for staying out too late.  Anthony didn't know what the deal was with her, but she was obviously somewhat wild in her youth, even as a child. Anthony could tell that she wanted to get out on her own as soon as possible.  While this was one of her characteristics it was also a characteristic that many young girls had during the early days of the Vietnam War.

Jeremiah was next, and he also lived at home.  He was small in stature like his father.  Jeremiah was built almost exactly like Oscar.  He had gone through a period where he stayed at home as a child due to hepatitis.  He was always quiet and in many ways quite odd and different.  He also had a bad temper just as all of the other men in the family; and just like the other men in the family, it was that temper that would on occasion get him into trouble. This was especially true later on after Jerimiah entered the Army.  There was several occasions where he was disciplined due to the fights he would get involved in, including those with superiors.

The youngest child of Velma and Oscar was Bill.  All of the children were somewhat tall except for Jerimiah.  Bill was close to six foot seven inches.  He was almost ten years older than Anthony but Bill was obviously loved a great deal by both Velma and Oscar.  Anthony could tell this even at an early age. 

Bill had been recruited out of junior high school to go to an elite high school in Johnson City to play basketball.  This was something that Velma and Oscar had always taken pride in.  In many ways he would get much of the attention that all of the other children would deserve at times, yet, seldom get. 

It would be Bill that Anthony would look up to in his early years, follow as a mentor and admire.  It was just as Bill was getting out of elementary school that Anthony would begin to spend most of his time with the Beechup family. He had always spent a lot of time with them but that time would begin to greatly increase.

Velma and Oscar had a rough time seeing Anthony and Madeline in a foster home.  After all, Anthony and Madeline were flesh and blood of their flesh and blood.  Anthony has never been able to find out the legalities that were involved with him and his sister staying with Velma and Oscar.  It was certain that Velma and Oscar would not tolerate one of the Beechup children being raised by someone outside of the family.

*******

"I don't know exactly what happened,"  Anthony said.  "There must have been some type of agreement where they would take me out of foster care and be primarily responsible for raising me.  I don't really remember.  I must have been only four or five at the most at the time.  I do remember that they either lived on or had just moved to Cherokee Lane in Johnson City just outside the campus of East Tennessee State University.  My grandfather had a brother who had two houses on Cherokee Lane and a place where he raised chickens.  Anyway Paps and Mamaw moved into one house and right down from there was another house where my mother moved.  I could see her all of the time but would stay with my Grandparents most of the time.  I always thought it was kind of strange to live in a situation like this.  Then again, remember it couldn't have been too strange because this was something that to me was already a norm, that is, to move around and not be around a set family for any consistent period of time." 

"Did things seem to improve for you at this point?"  George asked. 

"Well, at first they did, but that didn't seem to last long at all."  Anthony answered. 

"Exactly what do you mean?"  Asked George. 

"Well it is a long story and would take a lot of time."  Anthony answered. 

"That's O.K.  We have time.  Do you want to talk about it?"  George would ask.  

Anthony began to choke back tears.  After waiting for what seemed like five minutes of silence he answered, "I just don't think I'm ready for this.  I'd rather not talk about it right now." 

"That's O.K. then.  Let's spend some time in prayer and ask the Lord to give you the strength and ability to talk about this the next time you come in."  They prayed for about five or ten minutes.  Anthony didn't remember exactly how long.  He was thinking about whether or not he wanted to share this part of his life with anybody.  

Anthony had been married for thirteen years and had never even shared what George wanted him to with anyone, not his wife, not anyone.  Anthony was concerned in a strange sort of way about what people would think of his family.  He also felt as if he knew what George and others who knew him would think.  If they ever found out, many of their impressions of Anthony would change.  After all, Anthony was convinced that he deserved a lot of the blame for what had happened.  Anthony also knew that in his heart he was just as guilty for the things which had taken place as were the people and circumstances surrounding what had taken place.  Anthony knew as well that if he started to share these things about his life and those in his family who were responsible for many of the actions then he would have to share the bad things about his own life.  This was blame which Anthony had undeservedly put upon himself for years.  It was also blame that he didn't understand.  He had always tried to make excuses for his own actions but knew that he was ultimately responsible for those actions.  The last thing Anthony wanted was to be the one responsible for sharing the bad things about his family.  It was bad enough to experience the rejection that had come about for years but to take the chance of bringing on more rejection, especially from those he was supposed to love and be loved by, was another story altogether. 

Anthony felt that there would be much misunderstanding, and even doubt as to whether the story was true.  He didn't want to tell a story to hurt others but primarily to help himself.  Anthony was now confused as to whether this was going to help him or hurt him in sharing much of this information. Anthony would struggle with this for the next week on a daily basis. 

He would spend time in prayer as well as fighting against his own feelings as to what he was going to do and what he was going to share with George at their next meeting.  "Oh God, give me wisdom, knowledge and understanding. Give me patience, honesty, truth and love.  Help me know what to do.  Help me to learn to accept myself as I am.  Help me learn to share the truth so I may be helped but also so I may help others in letting them know of your love.  God, I ask these things so you may be glorified in the name of Jesus, my Lord and Savior I pray. Amen."  This was Anthony's prayer.

CHAPTER 4